Weekend is a magic tour

The past two weekends have been very productive.  First week, Friday night met a girlfriend that I haven’t seen for several months.  She travelled to Mexico and I learned the natives drink cactus juice to treat constipation.  Saturday met another girlfriend, had dessert, got many satisfied stuff from shopping, and bumped into my former senior and his beautiful daughter.  Such an adorable princess!!!  Sunday met with a group of friends, most of them new, a UT classmates visiting from LA, with her boyfriend who was a real estate broker 10 years ago in NYC.  And at night, witnessed another friend successfully proposed to his girlfriend.  Second week, had dinner with roomie and another wise sister.  I always learned a ton of knowledges from them:  about current financial market, big news, real estate market, etc.  These two tiny girls have unexpected library and business sensor in their brains.  Enjoyed a beautiful afternoon at Little Brown coffee shop with a novel.  Shopped Ann Taylor’s “40% off all your purchase” spree.  Bumped into another UT classmate and checked out a big liquor warehouse in Union Square.  Still losing on Fantasy Football.  Darn it!  Everyone said I had a good team!!!

Had another several low times this week at work.  I’m being more and more easily to get upset, jealous, and at the same time, indifferent.  Does this mean I care too much or I don’t care at all?  Tried really hard to search for non-prescription antidepressant.  Had weight-in first time in the past 2 months and noted a 2 kg raise.  This is way above de minimis and we need to dig further.  Can’t waive any procedures.

I think a good choice of flower this week could be tulips.

Goldfish Puffy Eyes

After 12 hours sleep, my eyes puffed like a goldfish today.  WHY WHY WHY?  I didn’t drink that much water last night!  I temporarily lost my double-layer eye lids and I’m not sure when I’ll get them back!  Crisis!  I need Prozac!

I really do. 

Things started getting better now this week.  I did walkthroughs for many sub-divisions, understood the business better.  Able to coach and discuss with my associates, received their feedback and pull myself together.  My mgr hardly had time to look at my stuff this week but he said I picked up things quickly   Really appreciate his encouragement and help.  It was funny how relieved he looked when he realized the “date” I wanted to discuss with him was date of training, not date of quitting.  I know many people here are not going to be here in the next few months.  I know my team is getting smaller and smaller.  But when the moment actually comes, when someone you care very much walks out of the door, it is still a hammer punch on the heart.  And things will never be the same.

There are plenty of shows and movies about ibankers, doctors, engineers, technicians, even plumbers.  But (almost) none about auditors.  Am I right?  I think we deserve to have one.  It will be full of numbers, emotions, and at the same time, drama.

On Friday, one senior sametimed me “Jie you live a very good life.”  I’m like, “What?  Explain your statement.”  She went: “You earned good money, got your license, and (god I even forgot the 3rd reason).”  I just want to tell her, I suck at work, my girlfriend blocked me, and my crush doesn’t like me.  I get myself drunk almost every night for two weeks.  How about that?

I don’t know what’s going on.  Maybe it’s this rainy autumn blue.  I’m becoming a shallow and unsettling person after I came to america.  There are always lots of noise bothers me and distracted me from focusing on myself and be a better person.  This feeling worries me.  We learned in school that the economic foundation determines the social organization and who will stay on the higher hierarchy of it.  Is it because as we get the luxury of money and nothing to worry about except work/study, we start to worry more trivial nonsense and thought it’s SO important that we can’t live with it?  Could I be the concentrated me?  “Could I?  Should I?  Would I?”

So, think of other ppl and please feel better, and be happy, just like how other ppl think you always are.

It is really getting cold so my lamp went on strike.  Need get a new light bulb tomorrow.  Lights out time and have a good one everybody.

Recent thoughts

Haven’t blogged for a very long time.  Thoughts kind of went to drought at the same pace as typing the keyboard.  A lot of things happened in the past several months.  Home visit, came back, 1st wave of busy season, Golden Globe, Oscar, Grammy’s, Super Bowl, NCAA, now with the earthquake, hurricane, Libra chaos, and new start of NFL and MLB.

Yesterday marked fall’s start of this year.  Without noticing it, it’s already kicking off my 3rd year in New York.  Today as I was strolling along the street, I realized I almost forgot who I was two years ago, the first time I stepped on Manhattan, the curiosity of first glance of all stuff for real from Sex and the City, the sunshine and yellow leaves fell on the narrow street and the red brick buildings that I later learned as “Pre-war” apartment building.  I didn’t know anything and had only $5 in the bank.  Two years flies away so fast!

New associates started coming in to our team this week.  They also broughted in the nostalgia side of me, together with the blue/gray/rainy background color of autumn.  Where was my goal, motivation, and spirit now?  Back then just wanted an ipod touch made me feel guilty for a month.  Now I wanted a new one, plus an ipad, a new laptop, lots of nice clothes and shoes.  I used to fully utilize every night after work doing meaningful things.  Now it’s just a blink and “Oh, it’s time to go to bed”.  Back then I learned everything so quickly like a starving man sees bread.  Now tons of information keeps feeding me but it’s just so hard to absorb and grave into my brain, for whatever reason that I just can’t figure out.  The aftermath of alcohol is even more desparate and empty to deal with.  Can’t do anything about it.  Am I just sitting here and waiting for death?  This feeling sucks.

I’m so disappointed at myself, and so does everyone else. 

“It was official.  A new season had begun. 

Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.  Without them, what would shape our lives?  Perhaps, if we never veered off course, we wouldn’t fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are.  After all, seasons change.  So do cities.  People come in to your life and people go.  But it’s comforting to know, the ones you love are always in your heart.  And if you are very lucky, a plane ride away.”

The TV show I’ve been following

I’m a TV junkie and I spent more and more free time with TV after I bought one as a gift for finishing CPA exam.  This is not a good habit… I know… bad for eyes, bad for skin, bad for life… But, it’s like a drug that’s very difficult to quit……. you know how addictive a person can be to internet, TV, high-tech products, and all little/big sparkles in life.

Today I’d like to share some of my favorite TV shows, and hope you can share yours with mine, too, so all of us can expand our collection, and, spend more time with our TV!!!!!!!!!!

1.  CSI: NY

I’ve been following this show after I moved to NYC.  In the time when I was supposed to study, I did CSI NY Marathon almost everyday.  It’s just hard to drop it because the plots are so intensive and exciting.  Currently, I’m in the most unbearable stage, waiting for one new episode every week…. Man, can you make it more frequent, like one new episode everyday?

Many friends have asked me whether I feel scared or disgusting watching the bloody crime scene, or the autopsy procedures…  Not at all, guys, I don’t know why but I never had such feelings

Luckily, there are always channels showing replay for past seasons.  A good pioneer is TNT.  They have at least 3 episode of past episode at night, and all from different seasons.  Hope there will be more channel doing this, just like how they treat Criminal Minds

Btw, I don’t like the new female detective taking Bonaserra’s place………

It’s in the 7th season now.  Showtime: Friday, 9:00pm EST, CBS.

2.  The Apprentice

I’ve been watching it since junior year in college.  It’s a competitive show and your mood is driven by the candidate(s) you root for.  I really admire the candidates’ ability to argue and sell themselves in the board room.  Maybe that’s why I like this show so much, because they did something that I could never do.

It’s the 10th season now.  One thing I really treasure is, the theme song hasn’t been changed since Season 2.  And the music it plays when the candidates walk in&out of the boardroom, remains the same ones since the very beginning of Season 1.  Even after they use it for so long, it’s still wakes up all my nerves when it plays, when another round of defending self/screwing others is about to start.

One of the funny things is, when the fired candidate gets into the cab and starts talking about his/her feeling of this challenge, you can see through the cab window that the car is going down on 5th Ave first, and then for some reason it goes up on Park Ave later!   Why are they driving in circle??? Where are they going???

I really like the assistant judges in the first two seasons…..  But they are not coming back…

Showtime: Thursday, 10:00pm EST, NBC (Replay: Friday, 8:00pm EST, CNBC)

3.  Project Runway

This is another real show that is similar to “The Apprentice”, but in different area and in different style.  The business operation of this show is something I like a lot.  There will be some “business” involved awards for each winner, such as put the winning look into production as an actual line for major department store, present it in the billboard for popular tourist attractions, or display it on famous fashion magazine (used to be ELLE, now it’s Marie Claire).  Not to mention the final three will show their entire 11 piece collection in New York Fashion Week, and the negotiation afterwards to transfer every look into real business ideas.

Also it’s interesting to see that the changes in the sponsors behind the scene.  It used to be on Bravo Channel, then it went to Lifetime Channel.  The New York Fashion Week used to be in freezing winter, at Bryant Park.  And at the first time this year, it was held in nice autumn and in Lincoln Center.  One of the judges is Nina Garcia.  She used to be the editor in large for ELLE.  As she changed her job to Fashion Director of Marie Claire, all the media publicity went to MC as well.  I’d like to know the story behind her switching jobs.  It must be a very exciting one, too.

I like the comments the judges give for the candidates.  Tim Gunn is a very nice and educated gentleman, a real gentleman.

The latest season just ended a couple of weeks ago.  The showtime used to be: Thursday, 9:00pm EST, Lifetime.

4.  Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

I’m a new follower for SVU.  It all started from a Sunday, when one channel had a SVU marathon all day long.  I used to ignore this show because it’s been on for so long, the image quality was not very good for older seasons.  But on that Sunday, it got me immediately.  The detectives chase clues mostly using their mouths, not the gun or other TV special effect processing, which is the case in real life.  The second part, the court room debating, is a special attraction to me as well, to see how the lawyers from both sides articulate their stands and question the witness through different angles. 

I’m still reviewing the old seasons and figuring out the showtime now.  So… not able to provide too much details…

These are the shows I like and I’ll continue watching.  What about you?  I’d like to get new inventories.  So please don’t hesitate to share your favorite shows here   Greatly appreciated!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

9/19/2010

记忆中大学初的时候在财大黄皮作业本上扯下一张纸，画下来自己今后4-5年的计划，还是带坐标时间轴的那种。画完就塞到了铅笔盒里面再也没拿出来过。。。最近工作上遇到了一些迷茫和挫折。突然想起这张可能已经葬身熊师傅那里的纸条，便开始狂翻行李，希望还有一丝渺茫的希望，看到几年前的自己，给现在的自己指的路。

 

结果在高中的日记本里找到了。很高兴自己实现了上面所有的目标。然后又发现让我哑然失笑的一行字“国外工作–10%”。

 

现在的我居然在当初认为的几乎不可能的10%里。。。

 

可惜，后面就再没有写下去了。

 

刚来美国的时候，下飞机一周就开始career fair，就开始和企业招聘的人谈，找工作之类，（相信商学院的各位都是一样）。那时候也不知是人烧晕了还是怎么滴，一点都不怕，除了最后一个二面，其他的面试都是裸面来着，因为对自己的背景还是蛮有信心的。可是现在，越工作反而越不自信越自闭。很着急，但不知怎么办。最近总被一个很aggressive的senior压迫，有时候真能被他那刻薄的语言骂哭。很想放弃。但我又觉得，出于对自己负责的考虑，他的言行可以让我放弃，但我不能仅仅因为他的言行而放弃。

 

更可怕的是，我觉得自己来了美国后，似乎就丧失了“思考”这个功能。不是指学习上解决问题的那种思考，不是指一味批判祖国这不好那不好的那种思考（那在我看来是幼稚）。而是以前自己对自己前途的自信和掌控，从微小的举动中察觉人的本质，那种全局观和敏锐度，似乎都不见了。我不知道自己喜欢什么要什么想做什么了。也许是因为身份的问题，自己的命运基本上全取决于雇主愿否给你办工作签证，所以自己也就放弃了对大脑的锻炼，自觉不自觉地随波逐流了。

 

是不是我也成为了所谓的“橡皮人”？

 

高考前是很糟糕的一年，使劲的努力却达不到想要的结果，想放松却不敢。后来不知怎么着的就想开了。后来有一次模考考了145名，我觉得老师应该是被震到了。可我还不痛不痒的嘻嘻哈哈。seriously, I don’t care any more. 最后发挥得也不错。我还记得高中有一任同桌在放学时指着操场边那一排海棠花说“前几天一直在下雨，你知道为什么这些花还能开得这么好？因为下雨的时候那些花还是花骨朵呢，没开的花是不会被打败的！”去年是很糟糕的一年。就那样被无视被忽略被unaddressed了。有阵子基本上每天晚上都伤心要命，一边哭一边拾掇疼死人的智齿。不过很幸运远离了那个居然对别人都不敢承认自己过去经历的人。并且成功的自救了。我找了TA的工作，和从来没讲过话的同学交谈，和路上碰到的人也随便乱讲，交流水平有了很大提高，视野大大的开阔，并且也加深了和更多真正的好朋友的友谊。我还记得各位姐姐们给我的谆谆教诲，我都记得。你们一定也都很忙，感谢你们的时间和建议！搬在来纽约时，自始至终都没有听到过一句你是否需要帮忙。在最困窘的一段时间里，银行里只有$5，一位并不宽裕的朋友却毫不犹豫就借给我好几百。电器插头有的都要多一个眼用来“接地”，人也一样，是要接地的。有住五星级的时候，也就要学会适应贫民窟。有高潮，自然也需要有低潮来让人回视和反省。现在的挫折，也许又是时间给我的一个考验吧，看我能不能再次自救，能不能认清楚自己要什么，能不能再拥有以前敏捷的思维。

 

住在世界上最大最繁华的都市里，我却只想回到奥斯汀riverside那个小房子，回到高中那个10+以上人口的宿舍，回到在我家后面那条铁路上踏着铁轨学会数数的日子。走得再远我都始终坚持，中文是世界上最美的语言，中国的文化有其他文化无法企及的高度与深度。太多人选择做一棵无根的水草，生活的安逸如果没有思想的支撑，岂不是死水一潭。

 

今天和一位大学同学聊天，当初和我一起进EY那个加速加速再加速项目的同学，都已经是senior 2了，虽然明知如此，真听到还是让我小小震撼了一下。如果当初我没有离开，可能现在我也是那个级别。

 

和那个霸道的欺负我的senior，是一个级别。

 

以下摘抄一段天涯上的话，个人觉得说得很好：

 

“我能够理解，以你现在的年纪，在一个陌生的地方，一定会感到很无助。但是你还很小，你的前面还有很长的路等着你去走，有很多人等着你去结识，很多事情等着你去经历，有一天你最终会发现这个世界原来比你现在所认为的要复杂得多，又简单的多，然后回头再看时才知道自己现在的这些心绪忧虑，其实都是微不足道的。”

 

“我们所以为的，往往会和实际发生的大相径庭，所以不要用一种情绪去把自己封闭起来，这样你会失去很多可能性，失去很多选择。坦然一些，积极一些，就让自己去经历好了。你一定会遇到好的人，好的事情，也一定会遭遇到不好的人和事，有时甚至是非常糟糕。但对于所有这些都不要过于留恋和纠缠。就像旅行本身一样，路上会有美丽的风景，也会有乏味的所在。对于乏味你会匆匆而过，对于美丽你会多看上几眼，但作为一个旅行者，你对任何这一切都不能驻足，因为它们不是你的目的地。这样，即使是非常负面的遭遇也不会将你困住，而会教会你生命中一切你所需要知道的东西，然后作为经验，成为你人生的一笔财富。”

 

“像你现在这个年纪，尽可能的少上网，多看一些书，真正带给人思考和智慧的还是书籍而不是网络。爱看书是个很好的习惯，不光带给你知识，同时也能让你学会专注和沉静。专注和沉静会自然而然地产生智慧，等到你经验足够时，智慧和经验在一起就会转化成自信，自信本身不一定会给你带来快乐，但能让你从容面对不快乐。”

 

希望听到大家关于职业发展和人生的建议。此文权当抛砖引玉了（也欢迎扔砖拍醒我:D）。谢谢各位！

 

附上一些最近旅游的照片：

New York New York

The skyline of Seattle

终于，我骑车穿越了金门大桥！

Los Angeles

 

Boston

DC 的地铁实在是太酷了

Can we make all the right moves all the time?

(Copyright: OneRepublic and OneRepublicVEVO)

求助：Senior太detail了怎么办？

rt….

 

senior 超级detail… 有个1分钱的差异都要让你写个长篇大论（长篇大论！！！）说明为什么可以不在乎这个差异。少写一点就说“万一PCAOB进来查，看不懂，怎么办？”。。。

还特别喜欢在同事面前挖苦别人的作品不够完美。。。不知道有没有在背后挖苦过我饿。。。

问个小问题能给你扯1个小时还扯不到点子上。。。时间不是这样浪费的。。。

每过5分钟过来给你堆一个新任务，说今天/明天就要，末了再来一句：“我不希望你因此晚上加班”或者“今天周五，我希望你下午4点就能回家”。。。当我超人哦。。。

主要是年纪比较大了吧，总以为自己是经理高级经理之类说话特别放肆。有次和高级经理讨论自己的任务，就听他在那儿脸红脖子粗的F word满天飞，听得我小心“嗡~~~嗡~~~”的。。。余音绕梁三日不绝阿。。。

 

哎一不小心就抱怨过头了。。。主要是这人今天给了个巨变态的任务：

用"waive""difference""rounding""below de minimis""exception"等关键词搜索整个Database，然后一一列出找出的所有低于门槛的差异，他要看是否真的低。。。what’s the point of doing this。。。

然后还特起劲的说“你再brain storm一下嘛~看看还有什么关键词可以帮我们找出这类差异”。。。

 

有天周日晚上我还在哼哧哼哧地作他布置的重复，琐碎，意义不大的任务。然后恶梦中，每一条财务报表附注都有几千页的support如波浪一般追着我跑，真的！那Legal size的纸突然变得像一堵墙那么大，一页一页的朝我压过来。。。毫不夸张的，上面还有着数不尽的我常用的中等粗的excel边框线。。。我就惊醒了。。。

 

求各位高人们支招，遇见超级detail、磨叽、自大、技艺不精却总爱倚势的senior怎么办。。。？