After 12 hours sleep, my eyes puffed like a goldfish today. WHY WHY WHY? I didn’t drink that much water last night! I temporarily lost my double-layer eye lids and I’m not sure when I’ll get them back! Crisis! I need Prozac!
I really do.
Things started getting better now this week. I did walkthroughs for many sub-divisions, understood the business better. Able to coach and discuss with my associates, received their feedback and pull myself together. My mgr hardly had time to look at my stuff this week but he said I picked up things quickly 
Really appreciate his encouragement and help. It was funny how relieved he looked when he realized the “date” I wanted to discuss with him was date of training, not date of quitting. I know many people here are not going to be here in the next few months. I know my team is getting smaller and smaller. But when the moment actually comes, when someone you care very much walks out of the door, it is still a hammer punch on the heart. And things will never be the same.
There are plenty of shows and movies about ibankers, doctors, engineers, technicians, even plumbers. But (almost) none about auditors. Am I right? I think we deserve to have one. It will be full of numbers, emotions, and at the same time, drama.
On Friday, one senior sametimed me “Jie you live a very good life.” I’m like, “What? Explain your statement.” She went: “You earned good money, got your license, and (god I even forgot the 3rd reason).” I just want to tell her, I suck at work, my girlfriend blocked me, and my crush doesn’t like me. I get myself drunk almost every night for two weeks. How about that?
I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s this rainy autumn blue. I’m becoming a shallow and unsettling person after I came to america. There are always lots of noise bothers me and distracted me from focusing on myself and be a better person. This feeling worries me. We learned in school that the economic foundation determines the social organization and who will stay on the higher hierarchy of it. Is it because as we get the luxury of money and nothing to worry about except work/study, we start to worry more trivial nonsense and thought it’s SO important that we can’t live with it? Could I be the concentrated me? “Could I? Should I? Would I?”
So, think of other ppl and please feel better, and be happy, just like how other ppl think you always are.
It is really getting cold so my lamp went on strike. Need get a new light bulb tomorrow. Lights out time and have a good one everybody.
